My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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