I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
