Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
