She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
two words: eviction party
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
