Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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