Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
