Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
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