i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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