I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
