omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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