I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
