She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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