We got so high we made milksteak
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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