my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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