oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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