I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
