stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
