Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
