I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
