He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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