good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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