Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
