I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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