My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I'm bleeding and have questions
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
