No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
