We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
