I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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