I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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