I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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