so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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