I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
