at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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