Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
