Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
