Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
