Duck Duck Cougar?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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