Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
