1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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