So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
