I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
