Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
