i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize
