Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Farmville is her only friend.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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