apparently the secret to your success is patron
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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