My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
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