She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
