your parents love me but you hate me
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
