You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
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Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
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as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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