I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
