Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
