I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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