I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
