I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
