I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
