Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
