He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
