You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
