Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
