She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
