Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
