So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
