In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
