i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
